nikki.

my niks is back :) YAYY! I’m so excited~ I’m hoping we can go to applebee’s today. Cameron, Niks, Bryant, Josh, Adam, Colin, and dede (–“) My dad’s complany gave him two gift cards to Applbee’s so it’s like.. FREE :D~

Man. I’ve been stuck on listening to Coldplays’ new song, Viva La Vida. It’s a great song :)
"I used to rule the world…” Ahahaha I don’t know why, but I really like that line. So… I got a sdisgutsting haircut on Friday when I went with my mom to that Hollywood salon nearby. :/ SHE CUT OFF ALL MY BLOND PARTS! WHHHHHYYYY!!! I hafta do it again XP.

What would be a good bleach? I need someone to go with me.

Oh man, I hafta go do some things for college~

summer homework.

blaaahh!!! I’m finally doing summer homework. Having preoccupied myself most of the summer watching cartoons, tila, and mindless such..I’m finally sitting down to do some real work! and yeht.. I still blog.

I’m trying to make some moolah doing surveys adn stuff here and there online, but really. What a slow process. I should honestly just get out there and apply for a job in person. Like a real job. But I do also want to work on art commission and artbooks like that. Augh. Guess I probably have to wait a while before I can actually do anything like that. Geez. These things take so much planning! Okay.. best be off to my homework…

michael.

It was just another boring day, with me surfing the computer once again. As my dad prepared a late dinner of fried rice, my usually dormant phone began to move and vibrate.
Suprised, I picked it up and…
Michael answered.


YAAAYYYY! It’s been a while since I’ve been out :) Michael called around and we decided to get some ice cream after I ate dinner. I ate dinner in like 30 min because I was so excited~ We went to…NUBI. We saw Michael Gao there, which was pretty weird because I always bump into him when I go out. Anyways, my first time at nubi, so it was different. It felt like a buffet! And… definitely more expensive than yumi yogurt –“ We got strawberry and mango, which were hella good with strawberry, mango, cheesecake, and gummi bears as toppings. The cheesecake was a bit differemt, but the overall thing was really good. After getting all our toppings from Elli
It was as if a dream ended! I returned to my boring summer :/

good day.

So, I’m getting a little tired of xanga, and I want to use Google’s blogger instead. I’m also planning to put a website together :) I’m not sure what my topic of choice is going to be yet… but I figure I will just talk about anything~ My interests actually have an enormous range! From daily life to games to sky diving. Anything.

I really just want to put my thoughts and memories into here. Share a little bit of my life with people.

buddy.

adrie, you are my buddy :)

I wish we never - and never will - grow apart. Let’s hang out ~

driving.

AH! my aunt and instructor keeps telling me to jsut take the DMV test, but I’m still scared outta my mind…I have driven 6 hrs with her..3hrs with my dad and 4 with my real instructor. grand total: 13 hrs. I doubt that’s enough. Need to make my dad lemme drive more.
WTF. thomas is pissed at me again. god. get over it.

AND! I can’t seem to get into the running thing. WHY WHY WHY? I really need to get motivatied to run monstrously..or kai will hate me. I need to run for adrie. for nikki. for kai. So we can be a happy family again :)

man.. I think I want a boy/girl friend

say what?!

this is so weird. so very very weird. I have these dumb feelings that.. shouldn’t really make sense. It’s just awkward. very awkward. all these random couples are getting together, and its making me feel different?

I think I am just insanely jealous. Their little sparks and loves are all nice now, so I can only point out the flaws. But I guess there are always flaws in relationships right? I refused to work out mine, even though they were so minor and pretty much non existent.. so I ended up doing the thing I said I didn’t want happening: Flipping regret. But it’s not as bad as I thought it would be. Maybe I’m just stuck on being single. ahahahahah, man I think I just don’t want to lose or forfeit to anyone else so my competative-ness is getting in the way. I probably shouldn’t regret, and I probably really don’t. I just don’t like losing. I think that’s it…

and on the bright side? If they don’t get married… maybe I, no we, can try again. But, I do think that she loves him like crazy and can make him happy as hell. SO i guess it’s all good. She loves him way more than me? Yeh, probably. I really just like chill relationships..I’m scared of getting too serious. I wonder why? I really don’t like getting hurt or rejected. I don’t like getting my heart broken. But then, neither does anybody else.

I just keep thinking though..

I really should have cried.

He meant a lot to me. And I think he still does. That guy really needs to get his ass out there and be happy. :)

…players piss me off though. specially girl ones with big noses.

done venting.

Finally, I’m done venting. Not angry anymore :)
I shouldn’t have kept everything in and bottled up to explode like that..
So stupid –“
Sorry for the harsh words.
Sorry for the melodramatic post.
Sorry sorry sorry.


finals are tomorrow。
school is almost effing over！
4 days to POKEMON.
我爱你～

shut up.

First real post on Xanga. It was the reason I wanted to blog again…to VENT!

never thought I’d use this thing again, but here goes. I need to vent. Like, REALLY need to vent. Didn’t think I’d ever need to either, but I’m starting to freak out. omg. I’m using xanga. LOSER.

WHAT THE FRUIT dude?! WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM? I don’t even understand why you’re doing this anymore. you mope. and mope. and mope some more. please just.. stop. stop taking things out on me. stop making me feel so guilty for everything I can accomplish. I can’t celebrate knowing you’ll be devastated in the back of my mind. I think about you all the time, and to see your face, so fake and forced smiles like that? what the hell do you want me to do? I tried to forfeit my happiness, I tried to pass it on to you. But they didn’t let me, so what am I supposed to do? I feel pressured, cause whatever I say to you, it doesn’t work. You can’t look past the retarded paint, plastic, and wood chunks, and all you see is win or lose.

can you stop please? I didn’t think I would ever become annoyed, but it’s getting to me. You won’t smile around me when I have something to celebrate for. You can’t be happy for me. You just constantly think about the troubles you yourself are going through.. and then what? You’re hurting me. And I hate how I’m so effing scared to say anything. You mean the world to me and I don’t want to scare you away or say the wrong thing. But my cheering you up becomes.. inconsiderate and unthoughtful. All I ever think about is you. So maybe I’m horrible at wondering how you feel. I always say the wrong things…and I get in your face too often to count. So I’m sorry for that.

But that’s cause I love you. And I want to make sure you’re happy all the time. How can I do that if you won’t let me? Why can’t you be happy with me? Why does my success keep you from seeing how hard I try to make sure you smile? Why do you hide yourself from me?
Why can’t you love me as much as I love you?

All these questions are killing my mind. I can’t concentrate. I can’t focus. I can’t do my stupid history essay. It’s bugging me.. that you need a block of metal to prove your worth. I believe you are the world, you are my hero. And yet you need your name in solid print for it to be real. You won’t listen to me when I tell you you are MY number one.

and you listen to her. cause she is not the one with the happiness you yearn. you praise her for labeling you as her number one. it means a lot to you. but what about me? I tell you all the time, but it holds no place in your heart. I want to be the one that understands. I go through pain every time so that I can understand. And she gets the credit. For never once trying what you felt everyday. Every sweaty, throbbing day. She simply claims she understands the morales we hold dear, and you love her for that.

So love her.

One question though. Would it be better if i quit? Nothing changes. I will be unhappy, but your life goes on. So live it.

okay. I’m done. I feel better, but at the same time, even worse.