No, not really.
I’m a little fucked up.
I can’t really blame anybody because my words and actions are mine alone. Nobody forced me to be this way, this is how I’ve grown up. Who isn’t a little screwed in the head? But I’ll make the effort to make sure my life isn’t useless. I’ll make sure the rest of my life isn’t defined by cubicles or meaningless goals of simply making money. There’s no happiness in that. I’m not a retard, I know what I want - and it’s not stability.
I felt better, I was okay. At least, I thought so. Nope, I’m still angry.
Sorry. I still need time to grow up. But so does everyone else. I have little faith that things will change. I have little doubt that things will ever be the same. I’m not scared of death. I’m not scared of rejection. I think being alone is the scariest thing in the world. But if the world is filled with people who are fake and plastic, there’s nothing to be scared of at all.
Maybe I have been acting cocky, but for some reason nobody here seems to think so. I’m going to make sure I’m not, because I know there are amazing people everywhere. I’d rather not make them feel any less than they’re worth.
I like Dede a lot more now.
I always projected my anger and hate onto him, when they should have been directed at those who did me wrong. So I guess it’s saying something if my family situation is a lot better now than it was before. And I guess I know why.
I’m finding myself.
And I know how hard I am to deal with.
I know what I can’t stand and I know what I need from people. I am highly demanding, my expectations are usually ridiculous. I’ll keep those that pass, however few that may be. But at least I’ll admit that and change my flaws. I’ll be less demanding, if people could be more understanding.
Failure isn’t an option, I’ve forgiven too many times. And that’s okay. That perfectly fine - it was just based on my standards that were probably too high. Maybe you never met them, maybe I lied to keep you in the game. In the end, you lost. Or maybe I did? Depends on how you look at it.
I have a dream to save the world. Not its people, just the world.
Jolie pointed out the other day that I would rather save a tree than a person.
It depends on the person and who I’m saving..but no matter what, I’ll save a friend - even if they have stabbed me in the back before. Over and over. That’s not the point. The point is, I need to stay on track if I want to accomplish this hefty goal. I hope I’m on track, I think I am (pun intended :). I should reward myself for making it this far.
So I’m getting a tattoo - two in fact.
And they will be mine, and mine alone.
