memories.

I guess it has been a while since I last really wrote anything.

So as I am filling up my environmental journal for my Green Reading class, I guess I have time (not really) to make a short post with actual content. Pictures just look really nice in the layout for my tumblr - and they make me happy.

I have the most fun going through photographs of my antics from days, months, years past. What ridiculous hair I had at the time. Which boy I was infatuated with. Which boys were chasing me. What drama I had dealt with. And when I look back at pictures and fragments of memories, I really can’t help but giggle no matter how hard those times were. I truly believe that it is because there are always happy pictures no matter how sad the times were, there were always smiling faces somewhere.

You just had to find it.

Looking at those make me wonder what kind of things I am going through now and how happy I am today. I have grown distant from a couple people, found some new ones, and changed many relationships. Though school is very difficult at times, relationships immensely confusing, and money minimal I think I am happy. I know I am where I want to be, where I need to be. I know I am pushing toward my dreams and I am comforted by that fact. My happiness is content - it isn’t ecstasy - but too much of that was not always a good thing. I like my life right now and I have everything I need.

I am a little stressed.

I am a little tired.

I am also exactly where I want to be.

bad girl.

Serena:In the meantime, stay out of my life.
Georgina:I don't need anybody in my life that doesn't want to be there.
Serena:Then we're agreed.
Creepy.

blair waldorf.

cece:she's cute, right? they're both cute!
mack:can we stop watching this?
cece:LOOK!
mack:the brunette's ugly.
cece:what the hell...okay stop watching, you're crazy. she's cute too.
mack:she looks like halle barry.
cece:....no.
does she? I thought she looked like meryl streep.

thanks.

give thanks, to those who matter to you.

give love, to those who deserve it from you.

give life, to those who make use of it.

give heart, to those who ask for it.

give thanks.

I have to say, food was really good tonight; I missed my aunt’s house. Though I have not been there for months, it was as if I had gone every weekend like I did all those years before my life got hectic. They accepted me and they missed me. It was a nice feeling to have, even though we’re technically not family. It’s a bit less and less crowded before, but of course, people move on, get busy, have lives. I must say though, I can not wait for Black Friday. A whole day of solely shopping and eating? Delicious. I have been on edge lately, with school and family issues. But I finally get a day where I can just live in tradition and remember the past.

It sucks a little because I don’t think many of us are moving forward. We are stuck in this past and we have not made an effort to take that first breath of independence. How come so many of my friends refuse to make new ones? How come so many are stuck with the comrades they were glued to in high school? Maybe it’s insecurity, lack of confidence, or even comfort in control, but I think that college is a place to expand horizons and make use of all the resources. How can you do that if you are constantly harping about the past and the relationships then?

You only keep a few friends from high school. The ones that really count, right?

How do I know which ones they are?

I think I am making bad decisions.