Maybe if I..

Maybe if I had something to believe in, I would be an even happier person.

Instead of just caring about myself, my life would have a whole otherworldly purpose in which all the pain I have is all part of the plan to happiness. But then again, that seems rather shameless. Like I’m dumping my problems on somebody else and giving myself false hope to reason with. I can see why people need religion, but I can also see why people don’t. I think I just believe in right and wrong. But I guess my goal of being a superhero is along the lines of living life with more meaning.

I want to believe I can be happy, but even more than that, I want to believe that I can make myself happy.

You don’t need a partner to do that; if anything you should be able to make yourself happy before being confident enough to try your ‘happiness’ on someone else.

I’m ranting again, I wonder if it’s my hormones? Ahh…

I'd love to..

I’d love to keep thinking the way I do.

About how you’re beautiful and perfectly perfect. But that isn’t fair. I need to be disillusioned sometime, thankfully now and not later before I had it ingrained in my head. I put you on a pedestal and made you out to be some goddess of goodness who would never lie, cheat, or sell herself short. Truthfully, I’d be hypocritically lying myself if I didn’t say I wasn’t disappointed, because I am. Not to say I think less of you, but more so I wish you made smarter decisions and valued yourself as much as I did. At least now I know you’re human, that you make mistakes, that I would be wrong to expect things of you. I wish you’d be a little more honest though. I now know you’re not all that is good in the world, but you should come out and admit it too.

I’d rather you be honest about being evil instead of pretending to be something you are not.

Either way, I’ve told you this in person already.. But it always seems to come together better in writing. Why is that..?

le sigh.

I think sometimes life needs a little drama to spice it up, to make people learn. Learn about themselves and each other. Sometimes you find your life isn’t as fucked up as you broadcast it to be. Drama teaches people a lot. It teaches me a lot.

But like everything else, drama should be taken in moderation.

So note to self: stop starting shit and chillax - or else no one will care anymore. But maybe, they already don’t.

twitter.

I haven’t been using it much lately.

Actually, I deleted it.. So I guess that’s obvious. It doesn’t do much for me, feel like I just look like an angry, emotional person or someone who made it seem like what I was doing was the most awesomest thing in the world. It was getting annoying, the constant checking and updating on everything and what everyone was doing. It’s not like I don’t care, but I think I’d rather hear stories from the people themselves that five worded tweets like: “I’m so high right now”. I wasn’t learning much about anyone, even people that tend to “high-tweet” or “drunk-tweet”. Although I am pretty proud of myself for not being an emotional facebook-er, texter, tweeter, or tumblr-er when I’ve had a drink or two. Feel like it saved me a lot of trouble, on top of me not looking like a wreck. So buddies abroad, please call me soon and tell me your stories over the phone, I’m sick and need good stories! This post was pretty pointless :( Sorry.

On the bright side, I have fifteen more minutes to each of my days now to think and actually blog or write for once. Now if I could only get rid of facebook.. Sigh.

slumpy.

I’m not sure why today of all days..

But I’m not feeling very good about anything. I felt like most of today was negative energy and bad feelings. Except for the usually hilarious weekly lunch I had with my friends, I didn’t want to get out of bed and go to class. I feel behind. In school. In my marathon training. In art. Just on life. Even my relationship is confusing me, despite being the most static thing in my life recently. 

Days like this exist so happy days are even more awesome, right? I hope so, because I think I’m having a nervous breakdown and I don’t know what to do with myself. I am so small. 

I feel like I’m caged.

Frustrated.

明日リスト

一。日本語を練習しなくちゃ
ニ。冬休みの旅行予定 (日本行けるかな?)
三。日曜日までプロジェクト
四。美術のペンチング
五。チューチューの鼻のtattooデザイン
六。数学宿題とクイズ
七。アパート掃除
八。八マイル走ろう
九。部活ミーティング
十。日の写真
十一。アルバイト

。。できれば
- 都留文科大学のチュータ達にメールして

personalities? →

williefred:

Down-to-Earth

You think that many of those who claim to love art are just being pretentious. As long as something does the job, whether it be a couch, a coat, or a kitchen cabinet, it’s “beautiful” as far as you’re concerned. Those who have a high score on the “down-to-earth” trait often hold…