めんどくさい

Stop bothering me with your stupid gossip and the silly things that you prioritize in your life. I’m getting hella annoyed by everything and everyone around me.

Urg. Dumb girls, you’re wasting my time!

On a side note, “artsy” and “hipster” kids these days who market themselves as artists really irk me. I see so many fakes in class and on social media who label their works with huge, extravagant signatures despite the actual works being pieces of crap. I believe that unless it’s something worth being proud of or something worth taking someone else’s time to look at, it shouldn’t have a signature.

You don’t have to thrift shop, get ray bans, tattoo sleeves, and ask queer questions to be an artist. You just do it. And you do it well before you go around buying your own business cards like you meant something.

Art isn’t a fashion statement for society.

Gotye - Somebody That I Used To Know


My new favorite song on repeat, along with John Legend’s Ordinary People and Corinne Bailey Rae’s Like a Star. I heard the song on the radio last week when I drove to Napa, I’m glad Gotye is finally getting the recognition it deserves! At ADPi doing homework again, I really need to come and study here more often. Big table space really makes my hours more productive. Haven’t blogged in a long time, but I’ve been so busy I haven’t had enough hours of sleep to be inspired. I’m glad the weekend came when it did, it was a good three peaceful days with my boy.

But I have to get back to work once again. So I will be limiting my internet use to blogging (not reading blogs), research, and organizing my life.

So many things this week, but it will be a good end to my junior year:

Monday

  • proposal draft II: abstract & logistics
  • composition & sketch for figure drawing final, black sheep
  • grocery run with Gordon

Tuesday

  • 7PM yoga at adpi
  • proposal draft II: methods & findings
  • composition & sketch for figure drawing final, black sheep
Wednesday
  • 3-4PM office hours
  • 430PM sister bonding
  • 530PM - 9PM Giants 
  • problem set#11

Thursday

  • 240PM office hours with tami
  • 3PM office hours with maya
  • 7PM breast cancer awareness presentation
  • proposal draft II: editing & finishing
  • composition & sketch for figure drawing final, black sheep
  • thirsty thursday (finally)

Friday

  • proposal draft II: finishing & submitting 
  • composition & sketch for figure drawing final, black sheep
  • 8PM SPAMALOT! with mack 

elections are retarded popularity contests

So I heard the business dude running for ASB trashed protestors and CNR saying he would be rioting also if he made less than $50,000 a year.. Just want to say - success isn’t measured in dollars.

I hope you lose, then get trampled by the hippies on campus.

thought catalog: how to be a writer →

It’s funny because I was just strolling through thought catalog and had saved some interesting articles when I came upon another good article posted by a good friend on tumblr. 

I was introduced to though catalog by Jolie and it is a really good site filled with “slice of life” articles and propelling stories. A collection of thoughts and observations I either have thought about and couldn’t articulate or have already written about. 

Anyway, this article is simply about writing and how if you wanted to be good at anything, you’d have to do it for hours every day for years and you will eventually become good at it. It becomes a habit, ingrained into your everything. I want more and more routines to be part of my life the more I read about life around me. Like writing 750 words a day could prevent Alzheimer's and push you into the inner corners of your mind. Jogging every day and it becomes as integrated as breakfast and dinner. Taking walks help you come up with ideas, organize your thoughts, and delve even deeper into your identity and soul. 

All of those things sound pretty good to me. 

And please, stop worrying about Twitter and stuff like that. Twitter is vile; I never use it. It’s like a video game that never plays back. It’s like Facebook if you were the only person on Facebook and had to read your own stupid thoughts all day long. Stop worrying about Twitter and social media and getting followers and all that crap, okay? Just write all the time.


In place of facebook, twitter, instagram, I should be spending time disconnected so that I may be in tune with myself and the world around me - not the internet.

Anthony Evans & Jesse Campbell - If I Ain’t Got You

Just needed to keep it somewhere, since I’m addicted to this duet.

BBBBBB-BABY.

Dia Frampton featuring Kid CuDi - Don’t Kick the Chair

Been loving this song thus far, I think it’s been almost a year since it came out though. Getting ridiculously addicted to The Voice since I am seriously, seriously falling in mad love with Adam Levine and Blake Shelton. Gawrsh, they are so freaking adorable. 

Anyways, just thought I should write a bit to get my head in order. The Script and Allen Stone are blasting from my ear phones as I’m studying for my environmental modelling midterm next Tuesday. NBA (Heat vs. Magic) is playing from the background and every so often I hear my mother squealing over her dramas downstairs. It was a good Sunday morning. Typical dim sum date by the bay with the family and back to the house for a long day of studying. It’s daunting when you see a giant stack of practice midterms and problem sets, but music and pet loving really help me get through it. Maybe its the fact that it’s finally sunny today - it just feels real homey right now and trust me, I don’t say that often.

Don’t Kick the Chair touches upon those feelings of frustration and loss we know all too well. “Don’t Kick the Chair” is almost saying not to go over the edge, not to give up. That there’s a brighter day tomorrow and there is always room to move forward. I like that kind of meaning to a song and music really helps on those bad, bad days or weeks when everything just seems to be going wrong. You got to have the bad to enjoy the good. 

Not to say I had a bad week last week, it’s hard to remember the bad days when you start having the good ones.. I’m sure I did though. I hope I remember that the good always comes around the next time I have tough times. I wouldn’t want to be a dramatic princess who makes all her problems seem bigger than they actually are. 

I just want a princess. 

Hopefully one who gets krispy kreme in the next week or so - craving!

Things to do today:

  • google earth assignment
  • print ERG practice midterms
  • go over ERG problem sets #1-6 
  • finish page 1 of my teeny font typed crib sheet 
  • burgers for dinner 

Things for tomorrow:

  • go over ERG midterms
  • page 2 of my teeny font typed crib sheet
  • study forever and ever and ever and ever

last to speak.

Allen Stone’s song got me thinking..

It’s a race.

While I chase dreams, you chase marriages & miscarriages.

couldn't find a good image.

…that could completely describe what I was trying to say.

Maybe today I had a bad day or maybe I am just stressed out and tired, but I would just like to say that if I was comfortable staying where I was with the same whatever everyday I would consider myself a scrub. A downright useless, human being.

It really pains me to see people going nowhere in life. 

People that aren’t even trying to follow their dreams or breakout from their comfort zone. Of course, it’s their life to live and their decision to stay in the same place with the same people and the same events everyday. So I probably shouldn’t say anything about it and let them do what they will. I should focus on my own life.

It’s just hard when I see you so comfortably happy doing absolutely nothing. 

———-

On a tangent, I hate the rain. Today was a terrible day because:

  1. My boo is being a pain in the butt because he doesn’t know how to establish connections and is constantly complaining about his life without doing anything to change it
  2. I haven’t finished my environmental modeling problem set yet
  3. I apparently suck at writing scientific literature reviews and now have to make an absolutely fabulous research proposal
  4. I have an art history midterm on Friday - a subject I have absolutely no interest in
  5. Two people in my figure drawing class had impressive midterm projects this past Monday 
  6. I fell asleep marking pictures in the book I had to study and lost 3 hours of work time
  7. I’m having a hard time following the rules I made for lent (my ate wanted me to do it, although I’m not catholic)
  8. I can’t go to thirsty Thursday’s this week 
  9. I hate the rain

It gets old when I have to keep telling myself that it’s worth it, that I’m in a better place than most.

Le sigh, let’s do this shit.

getting you to love me more. →

MAR. 12, 2012 


By RYAN O'CONNELL 

I could have slept with fewer people before I met you. I could’ve been an untouched virgin — the Madonna, not the Whore — which would’ve made me more special. You look at me and you see a present that’s already been unwrapped. You accuse me of cheating on you all the time, of going behind your back, and it’s all because of my past. It has nothing to do with the present. Why, in bad relationships, do we always end up focusing more on the past than the present? Why is it relevant? Maybe I should stop asking so many questions. I should just shut up and pray that you love me more in the morning.

I could stop having so many friends. I could abandon every facet of my life that doesn’t involve you. I could say good-bye to the people who take me away from our time together. You’re right. I’m so selfish. I put everyone else’s needs before yours. If I ditched my social life, I could have all the time in the world to dedicate to this relationship. You’ll love me more when you’re with me all the time. I’m sure of it. It will solve all of our problems when there’s no else all around.

I could start wearing more conservative clothes and lose some weight. These ten pounds I’ve gained while dating you are what’s coming between us. It’s totally fair. It was like false advertising. You got into a relationship with someone who’s thin and now I’m not so thin. How rude of me! You’re still fit and tan and sexy. I mean, I would love you still even if you weren’t, but I understand why you wouldn’t feel the same way. I’ll lose the weight and you’ll love me more. That’s final.

I could have a different personality. You’d like that, huh? Right now my personality is kind of “meh” so I’ll start changing it. Sometimes when we’re fighting I really start to wonder if you hate me. Like you actually despise who I am. And that no matter what I do to fix myself more to your liking, there will always be a flaw. You will always nitpick me and I’ll never be good enough. Can you confirm whether or not this is true? Can you tell me if you just don’t like me? Sometimes I think this is more about you than it is about me. Sometimes I think that you’re just a miserable jerk who will find flaws in every person he dates. Strip away every insult and all of that stern posturing and you’re just an insecure dick who’s terrified of life. Sometimes I really do believe this and think that all of my self-improvement is pointless. But then I push it out of my brain because I’m determined to make you love me more. I won’t fail at this. You’ll be mine. And I’ll be yours. Forever and ever.

I’m going to change myself for you. That’s normal, right? To date someone you don’t like and want to alter completely? I’m a fixer-upper. I get it. One day I’m going to be the person you wanted from the beginning. You saw that potential in me and that’s why you started dating me. Makes sense. Thanks for seeing the potential in me. I won’t let you down.