change.

Been thinking about hair a lot for the past hour.

Mine apparently can’t really take hair dye or hydrogen peroxide so well, so maybe I won’t be bleaching it anymore. Though I guess I should dye it some crazy color so that the blonde doesn’t go to waste.. Then again, I think I’ve done my fill for fucking with it. I know eventually I’ll go ahead and chop it off again.

I didn’t really notice much, but my body has changed a lot these past few years. My hips got annoyingly wide (my body must know I want an insane number of children), my face longer, my hands wrinkly, my feet coarse. Although it doesn’t necessarily mean I look older, I feel older. Maybe from all the places I’ve been visiting and learning from.

I’m proud to say, my mental and emotional states have changed a lot as well. I don’t think I was ever really an insecure person, but whatever I was before doesn’t compare to who I am now. I find myself becoming more and more independent every year, from my family, from high school comforts, from boyfriends. I find it exhilarating to know that I can travel on my own, shop on my own, eat, and explore a city on my own and not feel like I was missing something. This past school year was filled with things I could do, had to do and there was never moments where I was lonely for long. I liked the routines and friends I made on my own - I valued my life at Cal. Not to say I don’t value my relationships outside of college, I just felt empowered knowing I didn’t have to depend on them. I didn’t have to depend on a boyfriend. 

I understand myself a little more now and I feel even more comfortable being myself. I am secure, I know who I am and what I am worth. And I feel like that is the most important thing to take away from my “golden years”. 

Although things keep changing and I am still learning, it gives me peace to know that I won’t become a chubby, cranky Asian granny (oh, the horror). If I had anything to be thankful for my mother for, it’d be her good genes and happy-go-lucky mentality.