Irk.

I think I’m actually starting to get pissed.

I don’t like negative posts and i oftentimes try to spin my rants positively, but I guess sometimes it is just easier to confront the issue I am facing and work through what I think about it by putting it all down.

I’d say I have been pretty chill about a lot of things that usually irritate me. Or perhaps they bother me, but I restrain myself and my thoughts in order to be sensitive. I have been trying to be compassionate and empathetic towards the people around me - many of whom seem to be at their breaking points. I try to agree when I can, hold my tongue when I want to scold, keep battle arms at bay when I desperately wish to interfere. It takes so much for me to hold back punching some sense into your gut. It takes even more to keep me from beating you to a pulp for not valuing your own worth and your existence.

However, there just comes a pinnacle in my own concern where I realize that no matter how hard I work, nothing will change. And stupid decision after stupid decision will be made, with or without my relentless care. Are they even stupid? They may be idiotic to me, stupid decisions I will never make, but could mean the world to someone else. If so, who am I to say which choice is right and which is wrong?

I have a certain idea about the world and how we interact with it. I have learned to always put friends before anything and I have learned that what my parents think of me and how much time I spend with my family are both very important. I’ve learned age is only a number and maturity is difficult to come by for those who refuse to acknowledge their flaws and accept change. Emotional security is apparently a rare asset and many women dedicate their entireties to men, depending on the love of such men for happiness. Being honest and being bare are also things people don’t seem to do often. Strength is categorized differently by every individual and those closest to you may not necessarily know who you truly are.

I also learned that I strongly disagree with people who claim their lives are more difficult than others’. To each their own, leave them alone. You aren’t better, you aren’t worse. You’re you, they’re them, life is everyone’s curse.

It isn’t my life. It’s not the path I’ve made, nor the one I follow. So why work so hard forging a new path on someone else’s journey? It’s easier for me to sit back and watch you fall (or is it jump?) off a cliff. I’ll even take high quality pictures of you wailing on the way down.

There will be a picnic at the top when you decide it’s time to start climbing back up.

(…What the hell did I write?)

smoke-me-up:

Dove hired a forensic artist to draw how women see themselves versus how others see them - the results are moving.

I’m actually crying. Wow.

If I could wish for something..

If I could wish for something, it would be that all the people in the world had personal security. Security with their own identity. Security with being themselves, with whatever they had, with their past, with the present, with their future. Security to understand themselves, their situations and the security to not judge others for their luck or missteps in life. 

Security is a very important thing. Although I value honesty above all other virtues, I do believe security is a necessity to many other lessons in life. 

It’s an important stepping stone to self-identity and trust. Security with yourself to have trust for others, which ultimately is the building block to relationships. And every human needs that - a relationship. A companionship and connection to at least one other person that could understand you and feel you.  

You need security to remember your self-worth. To know it like the back of your hand. To be secure with who you are as a person and to be secure knowing that you are a wonderful person and that you love yourself. Self-worth to know when you are being mistreated and self-worth to know what you deserve and can achieve. To love who you are, so that you can love someone else and be loved by someone else. 

Maybe if everyone had a little more security, we wouldn’t have so many problems in the world. 

Hearts go out to those in the Boston Marathon. 

If only, we had a little more security. 

How To Be Friends With Your Ex | Thought Catalog →

Break up spectacularly. Break up in this sort of inevitable way where you both know it’s coming and going to meet each other to do it is sort of like walking to the gallows between a stream of people staring at you and humming under their breath with solemn faces. Break up in a very loud, public way where everyone knows he came too fast and she never liked his parents.

Try to immediately become friends. Hang out and get coffee and laugh and act normal. Feel weird about not kissing goodbye.

Feel listless and sad afterwards though. Decide not to hang out again for a while.

Try cutting each other out of your lives. Try hanging out with your mutual friends without it being awkward when one of them brings up your ex. Try going to the bars you used to go to without wondering if they’re going to show up. Try not looking at their Facebook page every twelve seconds.

Try hanging out again in groups. Feel weird about not holding their hand or going home together. Feel weird when they flirt with the waitress. Feel weird when they don’t pay special attention to you like they used to.

Wonder if they only cared about you because you were sleeping together and think that probably you’re not actually as interesting or funny as they made it seem when you were together because now, they’re practically ignoring you.

Do something out of habit, like getting them their favorite beer or touching their hand and immediately know that unlike your other friends, you have an intimate knowledge of their person you can never take back.

Unfollow them on Twitter. Unfriend them on Facebook.

Realize you’re probably not going to get back together.

Try dating other people. Have some ill-advised hook ups. Make out with one of his friends and both immediately regret it.

Run into each other at a mutual friend’s thing. Have a pretty good time with them, though maybe that’s just because you’re both drunk and feeling nostalgic.

Try to hang out again. Get coffee. Talk. Start to feel normal around them. Try to kiss them. Get rejected. Apologize.

Start feeling like you can ask if they’re dating someone. Be unsure if you want to ask. Ask anyway. They hem and haw about it. You act happy for them.

Convince yourself you’re not weirded out that they totally have someone. Wonder what their dating life has been like since you broke up. Feel a bit sick imagining them with someone else. Worry.

See them out with their new person. Feel something akin to rage. Feel like you built this person from scratch and now some other blowhard is going to enjoy your work? No way. No. way.

Get too drunk and make a scene. Tell them they’re being a bad friend even though you’re the one being crazy.

Wake up. Regret it all. Text them an apology. They reply that maybe you guys aren’t ready to be friends. Feel like they’re right but be bummed about it anyway.

Let some time go by. Don’t contact them. Try and move on. See other people. Find someone new who makes your heart flutter and who teaches you about excitement and caring. Start to really fall for this new person.

Hear from someone else that your ex is doing really well and seems to be super happy now. Refollow your ex on Twitter. Re-friend them on Facebook. They send you back a “:)” in a message. Healing has begun.

Think about them and don’t feel sad. Mostly feel nostalgic and calm.

See them out. Say hi. Exchange pleasantries. Agree to catch up over drinks someday soon. Smile.